3 TO GO!!!

Doesn't that seem like such a small number? I am so excited! It seems like since I have made it over the hump of my half-way point things have been flying by pretty fast. Overall, things went well today. We had a bit of a scare yesterday. As I have mentioned before my arm has been turning a bit purple and swelling a little, but it never sticks around too long so we hadn't got it checked out, but as I was getting ready for bed Sunday night I noticed that not only was it looking strange again, but this time it was hurting me as well. Whenever I moved my arm it felt like I had a pulled muscle. It wasn't too painful, nothing more then you would have after a good workout, but we wanted to play it safe so I called up my chemo nurses. They set me up with a Doppler exam on my right arm and shoulder stat just to be sure that it wasn't a blood clot. If that is what it would have turned out to be we would have had to treat it immediately and I would have missed my chemo session today. Surprisingly I was upset about that. With a month off it would be really hard to go back! Luckily, it wasn't a blood clot. I still have no idea why my arm is being weird however, but at least we know it is nothing really serious.
I got to see Dr. Bhalla today and he went over the tests I had done since I last saw him. Nothing came as too much of a shock. I was already feeling fairly confidnet that I was doing well, yet it was still nice to hear him confirm it. He told us that while I still had lymph nodes visible on the PET scan they are not absorbing gluclose anymore so more then likely the reason why they are still larger is because of scar tissue meaning that I am being quite responsive to my chemo. :) He also informed me the my PFTs showed that I have some lung restriction so he will be removing one of the medications from my chemo to prevent it from getting worse. So, I was doing ABDV and now I am getting rid of the B and doing ADV (that cuts like 5 minutes of my treatment time!) I will also have to get a MUGA scan in the next few weeks to insure that my heart is still function normal as well.
I would also like to make a small note on Karma. A little over a year ago I had a friend ( I won't say her name to save her some embarassment) who accidently shaved off a rather large portion of her eyebrow, so she decided to draw it in. Well, we decided to go to a party that night and with being in the large crowds it got pretty warm. She went to whipe the dew (afterall she is a lady and does not sweat... hehe) off her forehead and then, suddenly with a look of terror on her face she turned to me and said "Did I just smear my eyebrow?" I lost it. I thought it was so funny from the look of fear on her face alone, nevermind the fact that she had dark eyeliner smeared on her hand. The poor girl. Not only had she lost her eyebrow, but now she had to worry about accidently whipping the one she had drawn in off. I have never really let her live that one down. Anyways, as the weeks go by my eyebrows keep getting thiner and thiner. At the moment they are pratically nonexistant! What goes around comes around!!! Now I feel awful for having made fun of her so much, but maybe she will be forgiving enough to give me lessons on how to draw in some new brows if I decide I need that! I don't know if that is something I can handle.

On another note........
I think I should mention the gratitude I have been feeling for my chemo treatments lately. Although being positive and happy despite your circumstances has been lesson I have been taught since I was young I have never really had to apply it quite as much as I have needed to lately.As a result I have been reaching for little snidbits of wisdom I have picked up over the years. When I was in the Young Woman's program for my chuch I was given a lesson by a leader on trails. She read us the book Cinder Edna. If you have never read it I highly recommend it. Like Cinderella, Cinder Edna is forced to live with her wicked stepmother and sisters, do all of the chores, and is poor, but instead of complaining, wishing for better days to come, and sitting by the fire wallowing, Cinder Edna makes the best of her situation. She turns the chore of having to cook all the meals for her family into a learning tool and comes to know a ton of recipes for Tuna Caserole. She spends her free time reading funny jokes and cleaning bird cages for extra money. When the ball comes around Cinder Edna goes to the store and puts a simple but elegent dress in layaway with the extra money she had earned and on the night of the dance, instead of relying on her fairy godmother to come rescue her, Cinder Edna goes to the store picks up her dress, slips on her comfortable loafers for dancing, and takes the bus to the ball. There she also meets her prince charming, the younger brother of Cinderella's man, Prince Rupert, and she actually gets to know him as they dance the night away. By the end of the evening, she had to bolt at midnight because that is when the buses stop running, they know each others names and interests, so when it comes time to find the girls Prince Rupert, unlike his brother, doesn't have to try a glass slipper on every girl in the kingdom, he is able to look up his love in the phone book. I love this story. Ater reading it I never looked at Cinderella the same way again. Often I look to Cinder Edna for inspiration as I strive to become more like her. With her example I took the lesson I have been recieving since I was young about being positive and happy despite your circumstances and built on it slowly developing a sort of personal philosophy. I believe it to be important to find joy within yourself instead of letting your circumstances control how you feel. I believe it to be imprtant to be grateful for you have. When you start counting your blessings you get to see how truely fortunate you are. I believe it is important to work hard for what you want instead of just wishing for things to come our way and I believe it is important to take the hardships you are given and really grow from them, allowing yourself to become better because of them. Going in for my chemo treatments and fighting for my life has forced me to examine myself and my life more closely and it has made me realize that there are a few things that I am just not happy with and other things that I want that I wasn't going after. Coming to understand that has made me want to change those things. I am excited for that. I have already started to work on it and the experience has been wonderful. I feel awesome! I love it and that gives me the motivation to keep pushing forward and to keep working at my new goals. So, thank you to my chemo, Cinder Edna and the leader who read me the book.

Sorry that was another long one!!! :)
Ttyl,

Kenna