Inked

So, we decided to have a little bit of fun with my baldness. I mean how many times does a girl get to be bald in her lifetime? I lost the majority of my hair, but still had some weird fuzzies that needed be shaved off. It was starting to look really weird. Thank goodness for Fran and her willingness to help. She shaved my head down to the skin. It took about 20 minutes and was totally gross. She also assisted in the picking out of my tattoo. There really isn't a ton of options when it comes to temporary stick on tattoos, at least not on the 50 cent rack at party city, so we went with something completely hokey. A dolphin with a tribal design in the back. Really? Who would actually want that? It does make me look hardcore tho, don't you think? :) We got a couple of other fun tattoo designs too, so you may be seeing more in the future. Ttyl

Spongebob Inspiration

At some point after reaching my half way mark I let my mind wander to what exactly that meant. Yes, its true, I've made it half way and that's wonderful, but it also means I still have half way left to go. That is six more rounds of chemo treatments, that frankly I'd prefer not to do, three more months of feeling somewhat off and less then myself, at least half a year with a buzz cut hair-do and hats to accessorize, and who knows how many more doctor or hospital visits. Thinking of all this, although it have never really bothered me that much before, what was left to do just seemed like way too much to bear. Life can be so very unfair. This is not at all what I wanted for myself. Why shouldn't I be blessed with the same normal fairly easy going life that most 20 year olds get to live? What did I do to deserve these challenges? The feeling was horrible and discouraging. I've been working so hard on trying to remain upbeat and positive, telling myself that things aren't so bad, they could be much worse, that I really have been blessed in countless ways, that it is, in the grand scheme of things, a small amount of time, that I could make it through, and that this would only make me stronger. I still believed all of that with all of my heart, but for some reason it was no longer enough. Believing those things didn't make it easier. I needed new inspiration. Praying for continued strength I was able to recall a great lesson learned in high school. Back then, I felt as though anything that was even slightly difficult was a big drama and impossibly hard to handle. The world was out to get me and I just had to deal. I constantly found myself being somewhat of a downer. On a day when I was feeling particularly depressed, while I was shuffling through the hallways between classes, I took notice of the backpack strapped to the girl in front of me. Pictured on it was a rather beat up Spongebob Squarepants. He was bruised from head to toe, barley standing, and seeing stars, yet he was still able to muster up a small but significant smile with the words overhead reading "the face of victory." The message was intended to be humorous, but it was so much more then that to me. It held profound truth.
A victory worth achieving is never going to be easy. It requires a lot of bumps and bruises and falling down and getting back up again. Ironically, that is where the joy is found. Without the struggle the victory would be empty. Sports are the perfect example of this. An athletes goal is to overcome whatever obstacles or challenges their opponent or task throws out at them. They are tested both mentally and physically and the harder they work and the more intense it is the sweeter the win. No one walks away from a complete shut-out, spectators included, saying "that was a great game." Instead, we live for the times when it comes down to the last few seconds on the clock or the last few feet before the finish line when all of the odds are against you or whoever you're routing for. Pulling out those victories mean so much more.
What I am getting at is, that struggles, as strange as it may seem, are blessings. They empower us and keep pushing us forward, so in the end when we have reached our goal there is value added to the experience because we have had to overcome and persevere. We have conquered. They make the journey worthwhile because the sense of accomplishment and victory they give you when its all over. If I could remember that and hold on to it, facing this next half of chemo treatments will be a whole lot easier and I will get to keep my positive attitude (I am sure it has been helping me quite a bit).
Anyway, I don't know if my twisted logic will even make sense to anyone else, but I thought I would put it out there just in case it might be able to help someone else in fighting thier own battle, whatever it might be.

Relay for Life

I have always wanted to participate in the Relay for Life as I believe it to be a really great cause. As a sophomore in high school I was assigned by the school newspaper to do an article summarizing the Relay for Life. We played host to the Relay every year and we wanted to let the students in on what exactly the Relay for Life was all about. I learned everything there was to know about it such as how much money each team needed to raise before they could even get in to the Relay, what the teams do to raise money while they are at the Relay, the programs and ceremonies that take place, the difference all the money has made so far, what the American Cancer Society plans to do with the money the raise in the future, and so on. While I have long since forgotten all of the details and exact numbers (though I am sure they have changed by now anyway) I do remember how greatly inspired I was by everything the Relay's participants do. They are fighting hard to save lives. People like them who have put so much work and effort in supporting cancer research and treatments are a HUGE part of the reason that I and so many others get to make it through this. We get to survive cancer. Who knows where we would be without them. So, even though I have a couple of failed attempts under my belt of trying to make it in to the Relay for Life ( I never was able to raise enough money) I would still like to help in someway. A classmate of mine is trying to raise some money for the Relay. He has made it really easy. All you have to is go online and make a payment by credit card at http://main.acsevents.org/goto/mike_henrichs. Any amount will help, so if you can donate something please do. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask me or I have Mike's information if you would like to get a hold of him. You can also visit the American Cancer Society's website at www.cancer.org. Thanks guys!!

!!!!!!!! Half Way Point !!!!!!!!!!

I am happy to report that I have now completed 6 out of the 12 rounds of chemo needed. So, unless things change on me again, which I am really hoping they won't, I have successfully reached my half way point!!!! Boy, does it feel good. I have been blessed in that I haven't suffered very much at all with the side effects of chemo and I have had a very supportive family, group of friends, and even strangers routing for me and cheering me on. Once again I would like to thank you all soooooo much. You have no idea how much it means to me. :) I would also be ungrateful if I didn't mention my Heavenly Father. I know how much he is looking out for me. He has given me the wonderful blessing of being surrounded by worthy priesthood holders who are willing to assist in giving me blessings before my treatments. I have had two treatments were I went without a preisthood blessing and everything just seemed so much harder. I know they truely make a difference! Thanks to all of those who have participated in those blessings, I have no idea where I would be without them.
Everything went off without a hitch with this round of chemo, as usual, but I didn't get to see Dr. Bhalla, as I have in all my times past, which means I still have not heard the results of my most recent scans, :(, but I was able to take a look at the copies of my PET and CT scans I took months ago before I even started chemo. While, they were interesting to look at I really have no idea what it was I was seeing, all I could do was make an educated guess as to what was what.
This round I was joined by one of my best friends Morgan during my chemo session. I had warned her that it really wasn't all that exciting to go, but I don't think she fully understood until she got there. There are many things I really like about the new office I am going to like the fact that I see the same nurses everytime and they really get to know me as a patient and that the facility is much smaller so I get more individualized attention, but it being so small make things a tad bit more difficult too. The chemo room only has three chairs, as opposed to about the 30 or so the much larger Chandler office where I was going before had, so there just isn't a lot of room to bring people with you and even those ones you do bring can only sit and watch and talk to you. There isn't any room to play games or get on the computer like there is at the other office. Poor Morgan :(. Later, My Dad and Ethan joined up with Morgan and I, so there were four of us total plus another patient and her friend. It was like a party in there. Usually when I go its just me and my Dad. I have really gotten use to the expiernce of getting chemo and it doesn't really bother me at all anymore, its just a part of my life, but I will admit to still hating the smells involved. I have always hated the smell of medical offices, but things are even worse now. When I walk into any room that smells even remotely close to that of a hospital or doctor's office I have to keep myself from gagging. YUCK!
I should be wrapping up my Chemo treatments in early May. My younger sister Emma was in a car accident with my brother Ethan about a month or so ago and ended up needing to be in a neck brace all of the time due to a crack on her seventh vertebrae (I hope I am getting all the terms and facts right) and the docotors are telling her that it should be coming off about May. It will be interesting to see who beats who although both of us will still need help afterwords, me with radiation, and her with physical therapy. Its my hope that all of my chemo and radiation treatments will be done by the end of July. Fran and I are planning a trip to New York City and other various locations along the east coast icluding a Six Flags in New Jersey which is home to the tallest fastest roller coaster in the world, the King da Ka. I am so excited I can barely contain myself!!! It will be so nice to take the trip in celebration of the hardest part being behind me.
My brother Tanner reports to the MTC in just one week from today. He will be serving in the Omaha, Nebraska mission. I am so proud of him. I heard him speak in church on Sunday as sort of a farewell. Its amazing to see just how grown up he has become. I think I sometimes forget how wonderful and smart my little brother can be. I am going to miss him a lot, but am excited to know that by the time he returns (in about two years) both Emma and I will be doing so much better. As you can tell, things have been kind of rough for our family lately. I wish him the best of luck and want to remind him that I love him very much!!!!!
On another note, my six weeks are up! I was able to swap out my earings. My diamond ones look so beautiful!!!!!! I totally love them! Thanks again to all those who helped pitch in to buy them. You guys rock!!! I love you!!!
Anyway, I think that is all I have to say for now. If you have any questions or anything please don't hesitate to ask. I would love to hear from you and I don't want to be leaving anything important out of my reports! I have posted a couple more pics below. I'll ttyl! :)

Me hooked up to my chemo treatment

The Chandler office ( I still go there to get my shots the day after chemo)

Me outside the the Chandler office

Fran and Me

Round 5

Good news, after reevaluating my previous scans (the CT and PET scan I took before I even started chemo) I was cleared! I don't have breast cancer! As for the CAT scan I took last week, however my doctor hasn't been able to look at the films yet so we don't know exactly how far I have come. All I know is I have had some progress. The lymph node I had on my neck that was originally so large it was bulging out is now under a centimeter and the others are gone completely. YAY!
I have continued to feel great too.It seems like each chemo session affects me a little less and I am able to bounce back to my normal energy level a lot faster. My teachers have been really understanding of my situation as well and are willing to help me in any way that they can. So far, though I have been able to attend all of my classes and do all of my assignments with no trouble. I have had a small problem with my right arm turning a bit purple and swelling up, but with no pain. Just to be safe we are going to get an ultra sound done on it to make sure that there isn't a blood clot, because my port is on my right side it could be creating circulation issues and be the reason that this problem is occurring.
Other then that there isn't too much to report. I'll ttyl. :)

Round 4

So, I went in for my fourth round of chemo today excited for the fact that I had reached my half way point with four rounds down and only four to go, but then Dr. Bhalla came in to speak to us. As it turns out, I was originally diagnosed incorrectly. I actually started out at level 2b, meaning that I have bulk disease, or that the disease spreads more then 7 cm across my chest. What that literally translates to is I need 6 full cycles of chemo minimum instead of the 4 full cycles of chemo that was initially prescribed, so I now will be doing 12 rounds of chemo (another 2 months).I won't lie. I was pretty disappointed when I heard the news. I have been blessed with amazing strength, faith, and courage througout this process so far, but it is still not the easiest thing to deal with. Thank goodness for the tremendous family and friends I have been given and for the love of my Heavenly Father. Without those things I don't think I would be able to handle this. They keep me going and my attitude and overall outlook on life positive (I love you guys all soooooo much). Also, it was brought to Dr. Bhalla's attention just a few days ago that the CT scan I took a little over a month ago showed a mass on my right breast. This could mean that on top of my Hodgkins disease breast cancer has also developed, so I will be needing a few more tests to determine what the mass is or was and what needs to be done to treat it. Breast cancer is highly unlikely at my young age, but not impossible, so better safe then sorry. While it would be an unconvience to have yet another medical issue, the way I see it is that I am already set up to fight it, so if I have to have it bring it on!! Afterall, trials only make you stronger.
I have been feeling pretty amazing, however. In fact, somedays I would almost completely forget the fact that I have cancer if it wasn't for my bald head. The weather in pheonix has been wonderful though and I have been able to drive around town with the windows down not having to worry about the tangled knot my hair will be in when I am finshed! That is an awesome perk!
I will keep you posted on my progress and share the results of my tests and scans with you as soon as I get the information, which more then likely will not be until my next chemo session. I have also posted below a couple of more recent photos of me in my cute hats! Ttyl! :)

Round 3

Well, on Monday I had my third round of chemo and I am happy to report that everything went well yet again. This time I was accompanied by my two friends, Fran and Emily. We played card games most of the time we were there and I dominanted, especially at Uno (and no, they didn't just let me win because they felt bad for me. They fought hard to win, but what can I say? I guess I am just one hard girl to beat). I know I am responding to treatments too! The bump I had found on my neck that really started this whole thing is now just a fraction of the size it was a month ago. I take that as a really good sign. I was also having lung problems because of Hodgkins. My left lung was almost entirely filled with fluid and I had to have it drained. The doctors were surprised to learn that I hadn't been having any trouble breathing with that much fluid in my lungs. The only problem I did have was excessive coughing if you can even call it that. It was just slightly above average coughing. Anyway, after just 2 sessions of chemo I noticed that the coughing has almost completely stopped. Thank goodness for that because of all of the procedures I have had done so far my lungs being drained was the hardest and I am really hoping that I don't have to do it again. I go to see a pulmonologist, on Thursday however, so we will have to wait and see what he says about my improvement.
All of my future chemo appointments will be on Tuesday. We had to move things around because of my school schedule.It should be interesting to see what it will be like to balance school, work, and chemo at the sametime. Although, I have no doubt that with everyone's continuing support and prayers that it will be anyting too tough for me to handle. Next time, marks the half way point for me though! I am so excited!
As for the hair update, I am not quite bald yet, but my hair is still thinning a ton, so I am glad to have it so short. As strange as it sounds, we have found it quite effective to use a lint roller to get any of the loose hairs in the morning so I am not shedding as much during the day. I have really adjusted well to having practically no hair too. It is no longer strange looking in the mirror and seeing a bald head and I have come to love wearing my hats as well. I must admit it can be kind of challenging to find the right hat to go with each of my outfits, but its fun at the same time. I never wore hats before this and its great to get to try something new. Besides, it takes me half the time to get ready now and I love that, more sleep. I might even find my self slightly disappointed when my hair grows back and I have to spend all that time fixing it in the mornings.
I guess that is all I have to report for right now! I'll ttyl :)