The End

First off, I feel the need to apologize. I have been slow about posting. Sorry:(
BIG NEWS: I am 100% done with all of my treatments. So, now the cancer is not only gone, but I am done having to fight it too! Thursday morning I walked out of the cancer on top of the world knowing that I would never have to set foot in there again, (at least not for a treatment, I will only be returning for check-ups and in comparison those are incredibly easy).It feels great knowing that at least for now I am done with cancer. The technichans were so sweet about me finishing too. They had a certificate of completion printed up for me and everything. I got to keep the mask they used for my radiation treatments as well. I am not quite sure what I want to do with it tho. My first thought was to destroy it, but now, after thinking a little bit more about it, I like the idea of turning it to some sort of souvenir. If you have any good ideas on how to do that please send them my way.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it out of my radiation treatments unscathed. As predicted by the doctors, I got my sunburn and bad. In fact, at the moment, I look pretty funny. There is a line almost right down the middle of my chest and on one half there is what looks like a terrible sunburn and on the other is my,lets go with, ivory (it sounds better then pasty ) white skin. The burn goes across the one half of my chest and all the way up my neck ( everywhere the radiation treatments went). With each day the burn gets a little bit worse. As a result, Aloe Vera has become one of my best friends. Not to worry though I can handle it. A few summers ago I was stupid enough to go tubing down the salt river without putting any sunscreen on my legs and boy did I pay for that mistake. Sure my legs looked a little red when I got off the water, but the next morning when I woke up not only were they RED, but they were swollen to twice their usual size. My knees were nowhere to be found. I couldn't walk. I sort of shuffled or waddled instead. Some of my friends made a joke out of my handicap giving me the nickname Happy Feet and almost everyone ( I am talking friends, coworkers, family, and I am sure even a couple of strangers) got some sort of embarrassing picture or video of me trying to do even the simplest of things like putting my socks and shoes on. You see, at the time, any task that required bending my legs in anyway was practically impossible and I looked like an idiot even attempting them. I tried turning to the doctors for some relief or even just a tiny bit sympathy but they just laughed and said "What do you want me to do? It is a sunburn." My suffering lasted over two weeks. The burns on my legs turned into the nastiest things I have ever seen in my life. They were blistered and oozing and red and swollen and just plain gross. Anyway, my point in telling you all of this is that if I can somehow survive that sunburn I know I can make it through this burn, or any burn for that matter, despite how uncomfortable it is. Nothing,, and I do mean nothing, will ever beat the horribleness that was that sunburn. SPF people! That is what it is all about. Lesson learned.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about my trip to see Dr. Bhalla. Surprisingly, it was actually really nice to be back in his office because this time everything was different. I was done. I wasn't sick any more so everyone's attitude towards me had changed, or maybe it was my attitude that had changed, but either way everything about the atmosphere was new. It was peaceful and positive and upbeat. I didn't feel so weighed down and bothered anymore. I really liked seeing everyone again especially my chemo nurse Dianne. She came running over to give me a big hug and she told this story of how she had this guy throw up on her just a few day prior as she was flushing his port with saline and it made her think of me. I told that I wasn't sure I liked the idea that every time some one threw up on her she would think of me, but I guess that is just the way it goes. As for the more important stuff however Dr Bhalla informed me that my blood work looked great and that from now on I will only need to see them once every four months and each time before I come I will need to have a cat scan and blood work done just to make sure that the disease is staying away.
It is strange to think that from now on my life will be basically normal again. These last several months have been hard but wonderful. I have learned and grown so much. There is no way I would ever change anything about what I have had to go through. I am truly and honestly grateful for it. To me it is just more proof that my Heavenly Father really does know what he is doing. He has a much better understanding of what we need and even what we want then we do. Thank goodness for that!
Now, I could lie and say that I will be still posting fairly often, but I know the truth. With this whole ordeal being over I probably won't be posting ever. As you may have noticed by my already infrequent posts, blogging isn't really my thing. I am never sure of what to write. At least with cancer I had a subject to start with. Now, I have nothing. So I think this is the end for me. Please do keep in touch tho thru facebook or email (mckenna.hansen@gmail.com).
Love you all!!!!!

Kenna

10 Down, 10 To Go :)

So, I have officially made it half way through my radiation which means I am just 10 appointments away from the end! I am super excited because from then on all I have is check-ups...hopefully. As I have mentioned before in previous posts, my recent goal has become prevention. I don't want Hodgkins to come back nor do I want to get any other kind of deadly or life altering disease, cancer or otherwise. I am proud to say I have been hitting the gym practically every morning for the last few weeks as a step towards living a new kind of lifestyle where Cancer and other fatal illnesses are less threatening, but there are still a few things I need to change around if I want to be truly successful. I'll get there, I promise, it is just hard to change everything at once and I don't want to loose motivation so I am taking one step at a time.
Now being half way through my treatments, however, just as the doctors predicted, side effects have begun to show. The best way to describe it would be a sunburn inside and out. My skin has taken on a reddish tint and has become a bit sensitive wherever I have been treated and my throat has become "inflamed" in the same way. What that basically means is that it hurts like heck to swallow anything. The pain starts in my mouth and goes all the way down too the pit of my stomach. It is really similar to what I was experiencing when I first started chemo minus everything tasting like metal. Luckily, today when I went in the doctors were able to give me some mouthwash to help with the pain. The mouthwash is able to numb my throat for an hour or so every time I take it so I am able to eat. The funny thing about this is that my swollen throat also causes me to get the hiccups really bad and quite often. A few times it has been slightly embarrassing. Let me just tell you it is really hard to try and talk to customers when every other word you are hiccuping. Ha ha. I look like such a dork. Oh well, it has become a joke between me and a couple of my coworkers. Hopefully the mouthwash will be helping with that too.
Anyway, I decided to have the radiation technicians take some pictures of me in my mask to give you guys a better idea of how my treatments work and just to have for my own personal record. I felt so awkward going in the room today holding my camera thinking that I was weird for wanting pictures, but apparently most patients ask for a few pics because before I could even finish asking them they new exactly what I wanted and were more then happy to do it. In fact, they almost had it down to an art. They new exactly how to have the lights and what shots to take. Ha ha. I posted a few of the pictures they took below. As you can see I look lovely in my mask. I do get to keep it once my treatments are over :). The big gray thing that is hanging over me is actually this really fancy hi-tech machine that not only gives my pin pointed treatments but takes X-rays as well. During my treatments, it is able to rotate around me so the doctors can get the perfect angle. Of course it is also the obnoxious thing shoots off the green lasers and makes all of the noise too, but it is pretty cool huh?




Alright, I think that is all I have for now. Next week I go in for my post chemo check up with Dr. Bhalla though. I will be sure to let you know what he says.

Ttyl.

Kenna!

The Girl in the Plastic Mask

Well folks I have officially begun radiation and so far so good. I still don't like the mask, who would, but I was fortunate enough to have my time slot moved back to 7am and it is working fabulously. For any of you that know me and my sleeping habitats you know that 7am is incredibly early for me and as it turns out, in this situation, that is a good thing. Why? Because I am still half asleep when I go in for my treatments. My mind isn't nearly as alert as it is in the afternoon which means less of a freak out for me. I am able to just close my eyes and drift off. Actually falling asleep is impossible because of all the noises and lasers, but I am able to doze enough that my treatments don't seem so bad. They are over before I know it. :) I go in, get changed into my robe thing, head into the radiation room where the therapists put my mask on, bind my feet, line me up with the machine using my tattoos ( that's right I have four of them. They are really tiny but still I am so hardcore now), take a picture or two with their fancy machines, and give me the radiation treatment which lasts about 5 minutes or so, and then I am gone.
Its a strange sensation getting radiation done. It kind of reminds of using Icy Hot. It is itchy, and burning, and cold all at the same time. I haven't suffered from any of the side effects of radiation thus far but the therapists just reminded me today that I probably won't be bothered by anything until about two weeks in. I am crossing my fingers that whatever does come is easy to handle. From what I understand the worse things that can happen are my throat swelling up and my skin feeling as though it was sunburned. That's not too bad. Funny enough, however there is one thing that happens every time I am in there that nobody cared to warn me about. The mask, because it is so tight on me, leaves these little imprints on my forehead. I walked out of the cancer center after my first treatment having no idea that I looked like a character from Star Trek. It wasn't until I got in my car and caught a glimpse of my forehead in my review mirror that I noticed. Man, I must of looked like a complete dork standing there talking to everyone. Oh well, there really isn't anything I can do about the imprints. I got some pictures of the imprints and posted them below. Seriously, I look like an alien. I have no eyebrows and these tiny little bumps in strange groupings covering my face, but do take noticed that my hair is coming in rather well. Woo hoo. I am excited to have it back. Just a few more weeks and I should be able to style it somehow. Hopefully by then my eyebrows will be back too.
I have an appointment with my oncologist on July 9th to see how I am doing post chemo. It should be interesting to see what he has to say. I will also try and keep you posted on my radiation treatments, although I doubt there will be anything too exciting happening there.
Anyways, that is all I have for now. Ttyl.

Kenna :)

And the radiation fun begins...

So, yesterday as planned, I went in for my radiation appointment to set-up to all of my treatments. Aside from the fact that I had some difficulty figuring out how to tie the robe they gave me to use (it was this way weird wrap around thing) the appointment went really smoothly. Basically all they did was hook me up for a Cat Scan and marked, with permanent marker, a starting point for aligning my radiation treatments. They have to make sure the radiation goes to the exact same place every time, eventually the marker will be replaced with small, freckle sized, tattoos.
I walked out of the cancer center totally stoked. I had all of my 20 appointments scheduled and I had gotten the rocking time of 7 am so I would still be able to work 2 jobs this summer like I had been planning. Radiation appeared, then, to be a million times easier then chemo and I was excited that while it was going to be a minor inconvenience going in every morning, as I really am not a morning person and 7 is pretty dang early, I would be able to sail through it and be done in no time. Well, a few hours after being from home I was sitting at my computer looking for that second job my phone started to ring. It was the cancer center. Wondering why on earth they would be calling me, I picked up on the phone. They informed me that my radiologist decided to go a different direction. My treatments were now going to be more complicated and I had to come back in and get rescanned and marked for my treatments and all of my appointments they had just scheduled were canceled. I was crushed. I didn't want anything more complicated. I just wanted to be done.
Luckily, my dad was able to go with me to my appointment this morning. We got there with a ton of questions as we really didn't know what this complicated procedure was or what its effect was going to be on me. I have never been good at digesting what doctors say to me. My dad is much better at that so the nurse was able to explain to him what exactly they were going to do. The procedure is called IMRT. It is the newest technology in radiation (from what I understand) and is also referred to as image guided radiation. What they do is take scans of you and with the help of the computer only target the tumors instead of a general area, as they were going to do before, so it helps avoid any of your body's other organs. Because of that, it really is the better way to go, but there is a catch. I can't move at ALL when they are treating me so I am required to use a face mask to ensure that I don't go anywhere. That is why I had to go back today, to make the mask and get scanned and marked while I was wearing it.
So, they had me go into the room and lie down on the scanner's bed thing as I had done the day before while they explained how the mask mold was going to work. It is this really hard plastic that they run under hot water to make it pliable. Then while its still hot they quickly mold it to your face and wait for to re-harden. Once it was hard then they would run me through the scanner and use the laser to remark you. The task seemed fairly simple, but somewhere in the middle of the scan I realized what exactly was happening to me. I was strapped to the table,I couldn't see or hear anything, and there was no escape. I lost it! I began to totally freak out. I wanted out so bad I was in tears, but at the same time the more rational part of me knew everything was going to be fine and I just needed to stay still for a few more minutes so they could finish the scan and I could go home. I was having trouble deciding which part of me to listen to and the technicians started to notice that I was becoming really uncomfortable. They tried their best to keep me calm during the rest of scan and quickly came to get me out of the mask when it was finally over. Relief instantly washed over me when they took the mask off. I could breathe again. I had no idea that I was that claustrophobic. I thought I was done and could go home, but once again I was wrong. The pictures had gone blurry. I had moved too much. We had to start the scan all over again. The second time I was able to keep myself calm, but I still hated every second of it and this was just my first time having to do it. I still had another 20 appointments to go through. Then, to add the icing to the cake, they told me that they had to push my starting date back a full week and the earliest they could do my appointments was 10 am and because this procedure was more complicated it would be a 15 to 20 min procedure instead of a 5 to 10 minute procedure. While I was happy I didn't have to get there so early in the morning it also meant that the earliest I could be to work was noon maybe 11:30 at best and getting a second job was going to be 10 times more difficult. :(
That is a lot to swallow, but I know they are only doing what is best for me and in the long run I will be really grateful for that. I also know that in time being in the mask won't freak me out as much and I will be able to handle things better....I look forward to that. I have to believe, as it was with chemo, that although things look grim at the moment, once I get going I will realize that it isn't as miserable as I thought it was going to be and that I am strong enough to make it through. :)
Anyways, my first treatment will be on the 17th. I will let you know how everything goes.

Kenna

Cause For Celebration

Well, it seems as though things have turned almost completely around for the Hansen clan. Just within in the last few weeks we have had some many things to celebrate. I finished up my chemo, Ethan graduated high school, Jerah found out she was pregnant with twin boys, and my parents reached their 25th wedding anniversary! Things are really looking up. Everyone is doing awesome, including Tanner (my brother on a mission) whom we received a phone call from on Mother's Day. In celebration of all that happy news, our family decided to take a trip to Disneyland (as it is one of our favorite places on the planet) and we had a blast. It was so much fun just sit back and have a good time and not worry about all of the troubles we have had over the past few months and as usual we came home from the trip with tons of stories and memories that will be a source of laughter for years to come. I also threw a little party, with the help of friends, to celebrate me being done with chemo. I had an awesome time there too and am really appreciate all the people who help put it together and came to show thier support. It means a lot to me. Thank you so much!!
In other news, the day after we returned home from California I went and got my port removed. It was probably one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in awhile. It just made me being done with chemo so much more offical. Plus, the port was kind of gross looking so I was happy to see it go. I have never felt better then I do now and I feel as though I am getting to return to my normal self. I have a couple of weeks until I start radiation so I am enjoying my time away from the medical offices, but I am also really anxious to get this radiation stuff going. I just want to get it over with and find it frustrating that I have to wait to get started. I would be lieing if I said I am not nervous about it however. I have never done radiation before, obivously, and don't really know anyone who has, so I am not quite sure what to expect and I don't like knowing how I will personally respond to the treatments. I have a "planning session" on Wed. with my radoligist though so I should have a schedule for all of my treatments soon and I know that will make me feel a little bit better. I will let you know how that all goes.
I think that is all I have for now....
I have included some pics below.
Ttyl,
Kenna

D-O-N-E, DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Babe all of those exclamation points are for you! ;) ]
I did it! I am officially done with chemo!!!! This is a pretty exciting place to be! After 12 rounds I have finally made it to the end. I couldn't have done it tho without all of the amazing people who have supported me and given me encouragement through out this entire process.First and foremost my gratitude goes to my Heavenly Father for looking after me and my health. Next, My Oncologist, Dr, Bhalla, was awesome (even if at times he was forgetful). My chemo nurse, Diane, was amazing, as was my other nurse (don't know the technical name for her), Shelly, and the entire staff at Ironwood Cancer Center. I also have an incredible list of family, friends, coworkers, classmates, teachers, mentors, and strangers,whom I now consider great friends, that I owe a huge thank you to as well. THANK YOU!!!! BUT the biggest I love you and thank you goes to my brothers and sisters and my parents. You guys are without a doubt the best family a girl could ask for. I have no idea where I would be without you. You made what could have been a completely miserable couple of months so much easier on me not only by giving me the love, support, and encouragement I needed, but by keeping me laughing and smiling and just being there for me every step of the way. I consider myself tremendously blessed to have all of you. Mom and Dad I I love you tons and I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you have done and you do do for me. I couldn't have asked for better parents.
So, enough of that ( although I really do mean it from the bottom of my heart). Once again, everything went smoothly and the feeling of walking out of that office knowing that I don't have to go back in two weeks for my next round was indescribable. I am not sure tho that it has really sunk in that my chemo is done. I know it is, but I am not sure if I believe it 100%. That is going to take time.
Dr Bhalla, will be setting me up with Dr Woo, a Radiologist, soon. So, I should know in the next couple of weeks what I should expect as far as radiation goes. To my surprise, I don't have redo any of my scans right now. I think the results from my half way point were satisfying enough. Dr. Bhalla said I will just be doing them periodically from now I on as a check up. That is so cool, but it is also a little scary. Everytime I go to get a scan done from now on I know I am going to be nervous about the result. I am, however determined to change my lifestyle around in an attempt to avoid getting cancer ever again. I have read quite a few articles and have browsed thru several books for ideas on what to do to get myself in better shape and keep cancer away and if you have any tips I would love for you to send them my way. This is something I really want to do. The goal is to live the rest of my life Cancer free, but if it does come back I at least want to be in a fighting position. As I have said before, I am one stubborn girl and I absolutely refuse to go down without a fight and giving it everything I have!!! I intend on having somewhat of a new atttitude and outlook on life as well. You only get one shot so it is important to have the courage to really live your life. I had a coworker, a really sweet girl, Reba, who was kind enough to buy me a little gift for finishing my chemo. She got me a ring to remind me of where I have been and what I can do. The package has a quote on it from Vincent Van Gough that reads "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything," and the package goes on to say "Whenever you wear this ring remember to be courageous, follow your dreams, and love life." That is exactly what I plan to do and I am so excited to have this adorable ring to serve as my constant reminder to do just that.
Before I let you go, I should also mention we are throwing a party to celebrate my victory this round. It will be held May 30th ( a saturday night) at a close friend's house. Anyone who wants to come and join in the the celebration is welcome. Please just email me at mckenna.hansen@gmail.com and I will send you all of the info you need. We would love to have you.
Ttyl :)

Kenna!

!!!!!!!!!!!! Uno Mas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha ha, my roommate always jokes that every time I put more and more exclamation points in my titles, but it is only because I am more excited. Its now down ONE chemo. Can you believe it? I certainly can't. Sometimes it felt as though this day would never come and yesterday, just for one second, it really seemed as if it wouldn't. I met with my oncologist, Dr. Bhalla, and as he was looking over my paper work and talking to me he was acting as if I still had several chemo treatments left to do. I was completely panicking in my mind thinking that there was no way I could possibly do this any longer, six months was more then enough, and then finally, after what felt like an eternity, he said "Oh yeah I see that we had you down for six cycles and this is the first round of the sixth cycle so your next chemo should be your last one," .... whew, I was so relieved. Then, my dad jokingly replied "its a good thing you said that or she might have jumped you." The sad part is, that is probably true. I mean I know my doc is only looking out for me and wants me to get all of the treatments that I need to get better, but if I had my way I would never set foot in a cancer center ever again for the rest of my life, although I know that really isn't possible. I admire the people who are able to go back in to those places and talk to the new patients about hope and survival. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to do that myself, there have been so many people who have helped me and being able to that for someone else would be amazing.
Anyway, as usual things went off with out a hitch yesterday and I have nothing but the my normal side effects of tiredness, soreness, nausea, and that funky taste in my mouth. EWW. I just keep telling myself I only have to hang in there for one more round. On May 12th I am DONE. Two weeks and counting.

Name Change

So you may be wondering why, after all this time, I decided to change my blog's name (or you could careless, but either way I feel the need to explain myself). Well, one reason, if you haven't noticed already with the frequent background changes, is that I can get bored of things pretty fast. I like things to be new and different... well at least certain things and so it was time for a change, but perhaps more importantly then that is I just think this one fits better. Kenna vs. The Blob was something my mom had jokingly suggested when I first began thinking about starting this up, as the weeks go by and I get closer to the end of this process however I am finding that that name is pretty representative of what is I am doing. All of this started with a small bouncy ball sized lump on my neck that ignored for way too long and once I finally did get smart and decided to consult a doctor about my blob it had already turned into a fight. My blob wanted to destroy me. Now, as cheesy as it sounds, day after day, week after week, I have to battle it to save my life and the further I am into this war the harder it gets. I find myself having to dig a little deeper to find what I need to keeping moving forward, because it isn't just the physical pain that wears on you, it is the emotional roller coaster it sends you on as well. In a way though I feel sorry for it. That poor little blob, it didn't know who it was picking on! I am one stubborn girl and I refuse to let it win, AND if that wasn't enough I know I have a whole army of family and friends who are there to back me up, so BRING IT!
Ha ha. Sometimes I really love corny stuff! Which reminds me.......

What do you call a two wheel vehicle that your father rides?
A popcycle!
Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sudan
If there are 60 seconds in a minute, and 60 minutes in an hour, how many seconds are there in a year?
Twelve. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd. . .
What do you call a dog that has no legs?
You don't call it anything, 'cause he couldn't come even if you did call him
What did the right shoe say to the left shoe?
I think we must be sole mates.
Why is the math book always crying?
Because it has so many problems
How do you get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie in it
What does a house wear?
A dress

...... OK, I think I am done now.

2 To G0!!!!!!!!!

AMAZING! I can't believe it!!!!! I am so excited!! 2 Chemos left!!! My chemo nurse, Dianne, handed me a calender today with my last chemo scheduled and circled on it and my face instantly lit up. It is just one month and I am DONE!!!!!! Then, its off to radiation. Hopefully that will go well. I am told that it is fairly easy compared to chemo.
I know I have only been dealing with this since November, that is only 6 months, yet it seems so much longer then that. I can't really remember what it was like not to have to worry about all of this. While I truly have been blessed with my health and strength in getting through this, I can't wait for things to get back to normal. In fact, I find myself getting excited to go to my chemo and doctors appointments not because I want to be there, honestly I don't, but because with every appointment I am that much closer to the end.
Today things went really well. My older sister, Jerah, went with me and we had a pretty good time . They got us in and out in really fast. It only took about an hour and twenty minutes and everything went really smoothly. I didn't have any problems at all. The last few times I have been getting a little sick to my stomach, but I think we have found a solution. Who knew sniffing alcohol wipes could actually be a good thing? After my appointment, as I have been doing after every chemo lately, we went over to Ariba Mexican Grill and got their 99 cent tacos. Mmm.... they are good. It has gotten to the point however that they recognize me when I walk in the door. I don't know why, but I hate that. There is just something uncomfortable to me about being known as a regular. Maybe next time we will mix things up a bit.
Anyways, as it turns out Emma beat me! :( She got her neckbrace off today. I am totally jealous, but like I said I'll be done soon!!!!!! She looks fabulous and I hope she doesn't mind me saying, but I had forgotten what her neck looked like. Its a nice looking neck (if that is at all possible). I was kind of afraid that it was going to look kind of funky like arms and legs do after a cast has been taken off, but I suppose a neck brace lets in a bit more air then a cast does.
We decided to tattoo my head again and this time we went all out. They are still all stick ons and completely hokey again, but I thought the design turned out AWESOME!Check out the pictures below. That is all I have for now. I'll ttyl.

Kenna

3 TO GO!!!

Doesn't that seem like such a small number? I am so excited! It seems like since I have made it over the hump of my half-way point things have been flying by pretty fast. Overall, things went well today. We had a bit of a scare yesterday. As I have mentioned before my arm has been turning a bit purple and swelling a little, but it never sticks around too long so we hadn't got it checked out, but as I was getting ready for bed Sunday night I noticed that not only was it looking strange again, but this time it was hurting me as well. Whenever I moved my arm it felt like I had a pulled muscle. It wasn't too painful, nothing more then you would have after a good workout, but we wanted to play it safe so I called up my chemo nurses. They set me up with a Doppler exam on my right arm and shoulder stat just to be sure that it wasn't a blood clot. If that is what it would have turned out to be we would have had to treat it immediately and I would have missed my chemo session today. Surprisingly I was upset about that. With a month off it would be really hard to go back! Luckily, it wasn't a blood clot. I still have no idea why my arm is being weird however, but at least we know it is nothing really serious.
I got to see Dr. Bhalla today and he went over the tests I had done since I last saw him. Nothing came as too much of a shock. I was already feeling fairly confidnet that I was doing well, yet it was still nice to hear him confirm it. He told us that while I still had lymph nodes visible on the PET scan they are not absorbing gluclose anymore so more then likely the reason why they are still larger is because of scar tissue meaning that I am being quite responsive to my chemo. :) He also informed me the my PFTs showed that I have some lung restriction so he will be removing one of the medications from my chemo to prevent it from getting worse. So, I was doing ABDV and now I am getting rid of the B and doing ADV (that cuts like 5 minutes of my treatment time!) I will also have to get a MUGA scan in the next few weeks to insure that my heart is still function normal as well.
I would also like to make a small note on Karma. A little over a year ago I had a friend ( I won't say her name to save her some embarassment) who accidently shaved off a rather large portion of her eyebrow, so she decided to draw it in. Well, we decided to go to a party that night and with being in the large crowds it got pretty warm. She went to whipe the dew (afterall she is a lady and does not sweat... hehe) off her forehead and then, suddenly with a look of terror on her face she turned to me and said "Did I just smear my eyebrow?" I lost it. I thought it was so funny from the look of fear on her face alone, nevermind the fact that she had dark eyeliner smeared on her hand. The poor girl. Not only had she lost her eyebrow, but now she had to worry about accidently whipping the one she had drawn in off. I have never really let her live that one down. Anyways, as the weeks go by my eyebrows keep getting thiner and thiner. At the moment they are pratically nonexistant! What goes around comes around!!! Now I feel awful for having made fun of her so much, but maybe she will be forgiving enough to give me lessons on how to draw in some new brows if I decide I need that! I don't know if that is something I can handle.

On another note........
I think I should mention the gratitude I have been feeling for my chemo treatments lately. Although being positive and happy despite your circumstances has been lesson I have been taught since I was young I have never really had to apply it quite as much as I have needed to lately.As a result I have been reaching for little snidbits of wisdom I have picked up over the years. When I was in the Young Woman's program for my chuch I was given a lesson by a leader on trails. She read us the book Cinder Edna. If you have never read it I highly recommend it. Like Cinderella, Cinder Edna is forced to live with her wicked stepmother and sisters, do all of the chores, and is poor, but instead of complaining, wishing for better days to come, and sitting by the fire wallowing, Cinder Edna makes the best of her situation. She turns the chore of having to cook all the meals for her family into a learning tool and comes to know a ton of recipes for Tuna Caserole. She spends her free time reading funny jokes and cleaning bird cages for extra money. When the ball comes around Cinder Edna goes to the store and puts a simple but elegent dress in layaway with the extra money she had earned and on the night of the dance, instead of relying on her fairy godmother to come rescue her, Cinder Edna goes to the store picks up her dress, slips on her comfortable loafers for dancing, and takes the bus to the ball. There she also meets her prince charming, the younger brother of Cinderella's man, Prince Rupert, and she actually gets to know him as they dance the night away. By the end of the evening, she had to bolt at midnight because that is when the buses stop running, they know each others names and interests, so when it comes time to find the girls Prince Rupert, unlike his brother, doesn't have to try a glass slipper on every girl in the kingdom, he is able to look up his love in the phone book. I love this story. Ater reading it I never looked at Cinderella the same way again. Often I look to Cinder Edna for inspiration as I strive to become more like her. With her example I took the lesson I have been recieving since I was young about being positive and happy despite your circumstances and built on it slowly developing a sort of personal philosophy. I believe it to be important to find joy within yourself instead of letting your circumstances control how you feel. I believe it to be imprtant to be grateful for you have. When you start counting your blessings you get to see how truely fortunate you are. I believe it is important to work hard for what you want instead of just wishing for things to come our way and I believe it is important to take the hardships you are given and really grow from them, allowing yourself to become better because of them. Going in for my chemo treatments and fighting for my life has forced me to examine myself and my life more closely and it has made me realize that there are a few things that I am just not happy with and other things that I want that I wasn't going after. Coming to understand that has made me want to change those things. I am excited for that. I have already started to work on it and the experience has been wonderful. I feel awesome! I love it and that gives me the motivation to keep pushing forward and to keep working at my new goals. So, thank you to my chemo, Cinder Edna and the leader who read me the book.

Sorry that was another long one!!! :)
Ttyl,

Kenna

PET scan

So, as I predicted I am pretty much incapable of reading my PET scan results report. I don't speak medical, but I was able to pick up that I am doing well. Phrases like "significant improvement," and "Overall, positive response to chemotherapy," gave it a way. :) That is great news, but I am looking forward to having my doctor explain everything in an easier to understand way so I can get a clearer picture in my mind of how far I have come and how far I still have to go. Hopefully, we are still on target. Ttyl

4 to G0!!!

Ok, sorry I know it has been forever since I have been on here and since I've posted :(, so once again if I am leaving any information out please let me know cuz at it turns out I am not a very good blogger.
Yesterday's chemo session went really well. I got through the whole thing without feeling queasy at all!!! :) It also seems, and I know this sounds a little weird, that I have become more absorbent. Each time I am able to get through my medications faster. Now, I am usually able to get out of there now within 2 hours. When I first started it was taking 3 and 4 hours. It helps time pass however when you have someone there to entertain you. This time my younger sister Emma went with me. We always look odd when we hang out together these days. She still has her neck brace on and I am still walking around bald. My Dad jokes around that our family looks like it could be the new poster family for medical care. I think that may be even more true now! My mom, my sisters, and I went out to dinner and a movie on Friday night. We had just learned that Jerah is pregnant again this past week and unfortunately that caused her to feel a little sick after dinner on Friday. So, as we go walking up to the theater Emma is in her full on neck brace, I obviously am caner patient with my hat on and my port visible, and Jerah has this look on her face serving as a warning that at any moment she was capable of blowing chunks everywhere (sorry, I know that is a little graphic). My mom had to have a chuckle that she was the most normal one there.
Anyway, it was really fun to have Emma with me. Like all of my brothers and sisters Emma has a wonderful sense of humor and is so much fun to be around. She makes me laugh. We decided to pass time by playing speed ( a card game). I'll admit it, she beat me 3 out of the 4 times we played, :( (what happened I use to be much better then that), but I have my suspicions that she may have cheated once or twice. My chemo nurse, Dianne, also gave me my calender for my next few chemo sessions. It had 3 of the 4 sessions I have left on it!!!! That brought the biggest smile to my face! I am also there! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! My last session should be May 12th ( I thought it was going to be cinco de mayo, whoops). Its looking like that week is going to be awesome for me because it is my last week of school as well. By the way, I should mention that school is going great so far. I am doing excellent in all of my classes and have only missed had to miss class once or twice. Work has been a bit tougher then that just because I am there more and when I am there its more demanding on me physically and mentally, but still I have been lucky and for the most part have been able to do my job without too many problems.
I got the tests I need done last week. The mamagram went really well and it wasn't as bad I thought it would be and while the nurses aren't really aloud to tell me anything one of them did mention that she hadn't seen anything which put me at ease along with the fact that they didn't take too many pictures, that is always a good sign too. The PFTs (pulimanary function tests) also went well. In fact, they were so much better this time! While I still didn't really like sitting there, sorry its just boring, it was way easier to do the test. It didn't hurt nearly as much. The tech told me that last time I had only scored a 65% and the average person scores around 80%. I knew my scores had been bad last time. I had told my dad after the last test that I must have failed, I could just tell by the look on the guys face when we left, but my dad just laughted and said that it was impossible to fail that kind of test because it wasn't a pass or fail thing, but I would just like to say that at least a far as medical test go, if you are not normal or average, in my mind, you have failed! So, I am happy to report that I got an 82% this time! YES!!!!!
I did my PET scan on monday and have not herd the results yet. I am unwilling to wait to see my doctor in two weeks to hear the outcome however so I decided to cheat. I called MDI and asked for a copy of the report and a CD of the images they took which I will be picking up later on today. I don't know what I will be able to make of them considering my medical knowledge is limited, but I will report on what on I am able to figure out.
One last thing, I have recieved a ton of compliments on how sparkly my diamond earrings are and it always brings a huge smile to my face. Mission accomplished. The jewler did an excellent job in picking those diamonds out. He really did use the two most sparkly. Thank you guys again for them.
That is all I have for now. I have posted a couple of pics of the family below. This was the night before Tanner left on his mission. We have herd much from him, but he seems to be doing well. Peace! Kenna

Tanner and JerahTanner and Carl

Tanner and Abby
Tanner and MeTanner, Ethan, Emma, Mom and DadI have no idea why Tanner has to be a goof in every picture. It is impossible to get him being serious. Sorry about the really long post!

"Lead Kindly Light"

In church on Sunday we sang the hymn "Lead Kindly Light." For the first time, and I must have sung that song at least 100 times before, the lyrics really hit me. They read:

Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that Thou shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose and see my path; but now lead Thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!

So long Thy power hath blest me, sure it still will lead me on.
O’er moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent, till the night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile, which I
Have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Meantime, along the narrow rugged path, Thyself hast trod,
Lead, Savior, lead me home in childlike faith, home to my God.
To rest forever after earthly strife
In the calm light of everlasting life.

Its hard on me when things don't work out the way I wanted them to or the way I was planning them to, but looking back, especially over the last couple of years, I have come to realize that almost nothing has really worked out the way I thought it was going to. The plans I had for myself have been completed obliterated and you know what, I am so grateful. There isn't one thing I would change and as I have said before, I am sure that when this is all said and done, I will be thankful for it as well. The Lord has a plan for each of us, better then anything we could come up with for ourselves, it's time that I start trust him and letting him leading instead of trying to fight for what I think I want and need because if there is anyone that knows me best, it's him.

5 To Go!

I was informed by a friend that now that I have made it over the hump I can start counting down! I really like that idea. Just five rounds left to go! Today's session went pretty well. The saline they give me to flush my port before and after they use it is becoming really hard to take (I am one lucky girl considering this has been my only real problem). It makes me feel really really queasy, but we have a couple of ideas of how to fix that. Saline is the stuff I talked about before that I can actually taste in my mouth when they give it to me. I was using lifesavers to mask its taste, but have since developed a hate for lifesavers. They remind me too much of the saliene now and I can't stand the them anymore. So, instead of hard candy I am going to try eating something salty. Saline's flavor is pretty salty anyway so we we are hoping eating chips or crackers will mask the taste better.
Because I have reached my half way Dr. Bhalla wants me to repeat all of the tests I did before I started chemo. So I imagine in the next two weeks I will be getting that taking care of. One of the tests I will be doing is a pulmonary function test. Oh man, I have to be honest, out of all the tests I have had to have done, this is the one that I disliked the most. Basically what they do is have me sit in this dome thing and breath in to a tube in different rhythms and patterns. It doesn't sound so bad, and really it isn't. Its the fact that you have to do this for over an hour that makes it so awful. Last time I got so tired that even in the end when they gave me medication (the same type of stuff that treats asthma) to see if it would improve my scores (if it doesn't help your scores they should at least be about the same), but mine ended up being even worse. I am hoping, however that now that I have had some of my chemo treatments, the coughing has stopped, and I am not fresh off of a lung procedure that the test will be way easier for me. I also will be doing a PET scan. I think PET scans are probably the most informative tests I have done. Its actually kind of cool. The day before I can't eat any carbs or sugars and the day of I can't eat or drink anything at all in an effort to get my blood sugar really low. Then, they inject some sort of radiation substance stuff into me and I have to wait 45 minutes. I am not really allowed to anything (and that includes talking) just to make sure that I don't throw off the test. When the 45 minutes are up I am placed in a tube and they complete the scan. The cancerous cells absorb the sugar that was in the stuff they gave me and glow in the pictures they take, so they are able to quickly identify where the cancer is located. It will be really fun to get this back! I can't wait to know the results! I'll let you know as soon as I do.
I would once again like to thank everyone for their comments and their support, as well. They really do mean so much to me. It's hard to think of myself as brave,inspirational, or admirable. I guess when you're in the midst of one of your greatest challenges all your concentration is stuck on pushing forward, staying positive, and getting through and its hard to see anything else, but just hearing that I am able, through my story, help someone else with their own struggles lifts my spirits and gives me strength. Afterall, thats why we are all here isn't it, to help and serve one another along our journey. Love you all and I will talk to you soon!

Kenna :)

Inked

So, we decided to have a little bit of fun with my baldness. I mean how many times does a girl get to be bald in her lifetime? I lost the majority of my hair, but still had some weird fuzzies that needed be shaved off. It was starting to look really weird. Thank goodness for Fran and her willingness to help. She shaved my head down to the skin. It took about 20 minutes and was totally gross. She also assisted in the picking out of my tattoo. There really isn't a ton of options when it comes to temporary stick on tattoos, at least not on the 50 cent rack at party city, so we went with something completely hokey. A dolphin with a tribal design in the back. Really? Who would actually want that? It does make me look hardcore tho, don't you think? :) We got a couple of other fun tattoo designs too, so you may be seeing more in the future. Ttyl

Spongebob Inspiration

At some point after reaching my half way mark I let my mind wander to what exactly that meant. Yes, its true, I've made it half way and that's wonderful, but it also means I still have half way left to go. That is six more rounds of chemo treatments, that frankly I'd prefer not to do, three more months of feeling somewhat off and less then myself, at least half a year with a buzz cut hair-do and hats to accessorize, and who knows how many more doctor or hospital visits. Thinking of all this, although it have never really bothered me that much before, what was left to do just seemed like way too much to bear. Life can be so very unfair. This is not at all what I wanted for myself. Why shouldn't I be blessed with the same normal fairly easy going life that most 20 year olds get to live? What did I do to deserve these challenges? The feeling was horrible and discouraging. I've been working so hard on trying to remain upbeat and positive, telling myself that things aren't so bad, they could be much worse, that I really have been blessed in countless ways, that it is, in the grand scheme of things, a small amount of time, that I could make it through, and that this would only make me stronger. I still believed all of that with all of my heart, but for some reason it was no longer enough. Believing those things didn't make it easier. I needed new inspiration. Praying for continued strength I was able to recall a great lesson learned in high school. Back then, I felt as though anything that was even slightly difficult was a big drama and impossibly hard to handle. The world was out to get me and I just had to deal. I constantly found myself being somewhat of a downer. On a day when I was feeling particularly depressed, while I was shuffling through the hallways between classes, I took notice of the backpack strapped to the girl in front of me. Pictured on it was a rather beat up Spongebob Squarepants. He was bruised from head to toe, barley standing, and seeing stars, yet he was still able to muster up a small but significant smile with the words overhead reading "the face of victory." The message was intended to be humorous, but it was so much more then that to me. It held profound truth.
A victory worth achieving is never going to be easy. It requires a lot of bumps and bruises and falling down and getting back up again. Ironically, that is where the joy is found. Without the struggle the victory would be empty. Sports are the perfect example of this. An athletes goal is to overcome whatever obstacles or challenges their opponent or task throws out at them. They are tested both mentally and physically and the harder they work and the more intense it is the sweeter the win. No one walks away from a complete shut-out, spectators included, saying "that was a great game." Instead, we live for the times when it comes down to the last few seconds on the clock or the last few feet before the finish line when all of the odds are against you or whoever you're routing for. Pulling out those victories mean so much more.
What I am getting at is, that struggles, as strange as it may seem, are blessings. They empower us and keep pushing us forward, so in the end when we have reached our goal there is value added to the experience because we have had to overcome and persevere. We have conquered. They make the journey worthwhile because the sense of accomplishment and victory they give you when its all over. If I could remember that and hold on to it, facing this next half of chemo treatments will be a whole lot easier and I will get to keep my positive attitude (I am sure it has been helping me quite a bit).
Anyway, I don't know if my twisted logic will even make sense to anyone else, but I thought I would put it out there just in case it might be able to help someone else in fighting thier own battle, whatever it might be.

Relay for Life

I have always wanted to participate in the Relay for Life as I believe it to be a really great cause. As a sophomore in high school I was assigned by the school newspaper to do an article summarizing the Relay for Life. We played host to the Relay every year and we wanted to let the students in on what exactly the Relay for Life was all about. I learned everything there was to know about it such as how much money each team needed to raise before they could even get in to the Relay, what the teams do to raise money while they are at the Relay, the programs and ceremonies that take place, the difference all the money has made so far, what the American Cancer Society plans to do with the money the raise in the future, and so on. While I have long since forgotten all of the details and exact numbers (though I am sure they have changed by now anyway) I do remember how greatly inspired I was by everything the Relay's participants do. They are fighting hard to save lives. People like them who have put so much work and effort in supporting cancer research and treatments are a HUGE part of the reason that I and so many others get to make it through this. We get to survive cancer. Who knows where we would be without them. So, even though I have a couple of failed attempts under my belt of trying to make it in to the Relay for Life ( I never was able to raise enough money) I would still like to help in someway. A classmate of mine is trying to raise some money for the Relay. He has made it really easy. All you have to is go online and make a payment by credit card at http://main.acsevents.org/goto/mike_henrichs. Any amount will help, so if you can donate something please do. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask me or I have Mike's information if you would like to get a hold of him. You can also visit the American Cancer Society's website at www.cancer.org. Thanks guys!!

!!!!!!!! Half Way Point !!!!!!!!!!

I am happy to report that I have now completed 6 out of the 12 rounds of chemo needed. So, unless things change on me again, which I am really hoping they won't, I have successfully reached my half way point!!!! Boy, does it feel good. I have been blessed in that I haven't suffered very much at all with the side effects of chemo and I have had a very supportive family, group of friends, and even strangers routing for me and cheering me on. Once again I would like to thank you all soooooo much. You have no idea how much it means to me. :) I would also be ungrateful if I didn't mention my Heavenly Father. I know how much he is looking out for me. He has given me the wonderful blessing of being surrounded by worthy priesthood holders who are willing to assist in giving me blessings before my treatments. I have had two treatments were I went without a preisthood blessing and everything just seemed so much harder. I know they truely make a difference! Thanks to all of those who have participated in those blessings, I have no idea where I would be without them.
Everything went off without a hitch with this round of chemo, as usual, but I didn't get to see Dr. Bhalla, as I have in all my times past, which means I still have not heard the results of my most recent scans, :(, but I was able to take a look at the copies of my PET and CT scans I took months ago before I even started chemo. While, they were interesting to look at I really have no idea what it was I was seeing, all I could do was make an educated guess as to what was what.
This round I was joined by one of my best friends Morgan during my chemo session. I had warned her that it really wasn't all that exciting to go, but I don't think she fully understood until she got there. There are many things I really like about the new office I am going to like the fact that I see the same nurses everytime and they really get to know me as a patient and that the facility is much smaller so I get more individualized attention, but it being so small make things a tad bit more difficult too. The chemo room only has three chairs, as opposed to about the 30 or so the much larger Chandler office where I was going before had, so there just isn't a lot of room to bring people with you and even those ones you do bring can only sit and watch and talk to you. There isn't any room to play games or get on the computer like there is at the other office. Poor Morgan :(. Later, My Dad and Ethan joined up with Morgan and I, so there were four of us total plus another patient and her friend. It was like a party in there. Usually when I go its just me and my Dad. I have really gotten use to the expiernce of getting chemo and it doesn't really bother me at all anymore, its just a part of my life, but I will admit to still hating the smells involved. I have always hated the smell of medical offices, but things are even worse now. When I walk into any room that smells even remotely close to that of a hospital or doctor's office I have to keep myself from gagging. YUCK!
I should be wrapping up my Chemo treatments in early May. My younger sister Emma was in a car accident with my brother Ethan about a month or so ago and ended up needing to be in a neck brace all of the time due to a crack on her seventh vertebrae (I hope I am getting all the terms and facts right) and the docotors are telling her that it should be coming off about May. It will be interesting to see who beats who although both of us will still need help afterwords, me with radiation, and her with physical therapy. Its my hope that all of my chemo and radiation treatments will be done by the end of July. Fran and I are planning a trip to New York City and other various locations along the east coast icluding a Six Flags in New Jersey which is home to the tallest fastest roller coaster in the world, the King da Ka. I am so excited I can barely contain myself!!! It will be so nice to take the trip in celebration of the hardest part being behind me.
My brother Tanner reports to the MTC in just one week from today. He will be serving in the Omaha, Nebraska mission. I am so proud of him. I heard him speak in church on Sunday as sort of a farewell. Its amazing to see just how grown up he has become. I think I sometimes forget how wonderful and smart my little brother can be. I am going to miss him a lot, but am excited to know that by the time he returns (in about two years) both Emma and I will be doing so much better. As you can tell, things have been kind of rough for our family lately. I wish him the best of luck and want to remind him that I love him very much!!!!!
On another note, my six weeks are up! I was able to swap out my earings. My diamond ones look so beautiful!!!!!! I totally love them! Thanks again to all those who helped pitch in to buy them. You guys rock!!! I love you!!!
Anyway, I think that is all I have to say for now. If you have any questions or anything please don't hesitate to ask. I would love to hear from you and I don't want to be leaving anything important out of my reports! I have posted a couple more pics below. I'll ttyl! :)

Me hooked up to my chemo treatment

The Chandler office ( I still go there to get my shots the day after chemo)

Me outside the the Chandler office

Fran and Me

Round 5

Good news, after reevaluating my previous scans (the CT and PET scan I took before I even started chemo) I was cleared! I don't have breast cancer! As for the CAT scan I took last week, however my doctor hasn't been able to look at the films yet so we don't know exactly how far I have come. All I know is I have had some progress. The lymph node I had on my neck that was originally so large it was bulging out is now under a centimeter and the others are gone completely. YAY!
I have continued to feel great too.It seems like each chemo session affects me a little less and I am able to bounce back to my normal energy level a lot faster. My teachers have been really understanding of my situation as well and are willing to help me in any way that they can. So far, though I have been able to attend all of my classes and do all of my assignments with no trouble. I have had a small problem with my right arm turning a bit purple and swelling up, but with no pain. Just to be safe we are going to get an ultra sound done on it to make sure that there isn't a blood clot, because my port is on my right side it could be creating circulation issues and be the reason that this problem is occurring.
Other then that there isn't too much to report. I'll ttyl. :)

Round 4

So, I went in for my fourth round of chemo today excited for the fact that I had reached my half way point with four rounds down and only four to go, but then Dr. Bhalla came in to speak to us. As it turns out, I was originally diagnosed incorrectly. I actually started out at level 2b, meaning that I have bulk disease, or that the disease spreads more then 7 cm across my chest. What that literally translates to is I need 6 full cycles of chemo minimum instead of the 4 full cycles of chemo that was initially prescribed, so I now will be doing 12 rounds of chemo (another 2 months).I won't lie. I was pretty disappointed when I heard the news. I have been blessed with amazing strength, faith, and courage througout this process so far, but it is still not the easiest thing to deal with. Thank goodness for the tremendous family and friends I have been given and for the love of my Heavenly Father. Without those things I don't think I would be able to handle this. They keep me going and my attitude and overall outlook on life positive (I love you guys all soooooo much). Also, it was brought to Dr. Bhalla's attention just a few days ago that the CT scan I took a little over a month ago showed a mass on my right breast. This could mean that on top of my Hodgkins disease breast cancer has also developed, so I will be needing a few more tests to determine what the mass is or was and what needs to be done to treat it. Breast cancer is highly unlikely at my young age, but not impossible, so better safe then sorry. While it would be an unconvience to have yet another medical issue, the way I see it is that I am already set up to fight it, so if I have to have it bring it on!! Afterall, trials only make you stronger.
I have been feeling pretty amazing, however. In fact, somedays I would almost completely forget the fact that I have cancer if it wasn't for my bald head. The weather in pheonix has been wonderful though and I have been able to drive around town with the windows down not having to worry about the tangled knot my hair will be in when I am finshed! That is an awesome perk!
I will keep you posted on my progress and share the results of my tests and scans with you as soon as I get the information, which more then likely will not be until my next chemo session. I have also posted below a couple of more recent photos of me in my cute hats! Ttyl! :)